What is Fear of Intimacy?

Love don’t create pain. Instead ATTACHMENT. EXPECTATION AND NEEDING the other are what cause us our pain

Definition

Intimacy is similar to authenticity. Both involve revealing your true-self to another person. Simple to say, fear of intimacy is your body’s natural defense system that wants to protect you from feeling betrayed, abandoned, or rejected. Those who have fear of intimacy usually have fear of allowing others become too familiar and lose interest with them. One thing to note, we lose interest in people  when they don’t pose a challenge anymore and when they can be taken for granted. Games can be boring. In games, we only want to verify our power, interest, attractiveness or self-worth.

Habits

  1. 1.      Hiding behind emotional wall
  2. 2.      Consider it over and over again before it even have the chance to start
  3. 3.      Withdrawing silently from a relationship

 

Steps to Overcome

  1. Allow yourself to feel vulnerable sometimes to talk with your special someone about what’s going on in your life and how you really feel about it.
  2. Share your discomfort and worries sometimes could make negative feelings dissipate and your fear of intimacy gradually disappear.
  3. Be Trusting. Everyone has their own special relationship with trust and usually if they have been burnt once by a former partner, then they may not share this as easily with the new one.
  4. Discover your inner strength and understand that while partners can come and go. Self-love and self-respect are two qualities that should never fade away.
  5. Developing a powerful loving adult part of yourself that don’t take rejection personally.
  6. Take personal responsibility for defining your own worth instead of making other’s love and approval take charge and be responsible for your feelings of worth.
  7. We can always love but we cannot always be loved.
  8. Sometimes we might or might not receive responses the way we hoped. It doesn’t make us less worthy cause self worth is not based on how others respond to us.

A to Z of Friendship

Here is something I found on Friendship,

A Good Friend – 
Accepts you as you are


Believes in “you”

Calls you just to say “HI”

Doesn’t give up on you

Envisions the whole of you

Forgives your mistakes

Gives unconditionally

Helps you

Invites you over

Just “be” with you

Keeps you close at heart

Loves you for who you are

Makes a difference in your life

Never Judges

Offers support

Picks you up

Quiets your fears


Raises your spirits

Says nice things about you


Tells you the truth when you need hear it

Understands you

Values you

Walks beside you

Xplain things you don’t understand


Yells when you won’t listen and


Zaps you back to real

Motivation Bite’s

Every one of us need a friendly motivation from time to time. Here are a few of my favorite quotes:

“Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.” ~Proverb

The way we think depends on the way we thank

Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections

Humans are most happy when they focus on the present

Everyday may not be good but there’s something good everyday

Nothing is all for nothing. There’s always a reason and lesson behind everything that happens. Keep in mind that good things always come to those who are willing to wait.

Complaining brings no benefit but to make yourself feel even worse. Stop complaining now and see how your day gets nicer.

Have respect to yourself and don’t wait for others to love you but start to love yourself first. You are a unique and valuable individual who sets your own self-worth.

Care less abou what others are thinking. You can’t please everyone but you certainly can please yourself.

Don’t wish to be everybody bestfriend but be friendly towards everybody.

3c rules : You need to make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change

Find happiness in your job. Whatever it is you always can

Forget about everything that could go wrong and focus on the good things that you enjoy an make you happy.

Law of Attraction

Law of attraction brings to you what you most strongly focus upon, whether wanted or unwanted. It lines us all up with the people, things, and circumstances that match our vibration. Say you were consciously creating a relationship of happiness and love, and then Law of Attraction will bring you in line with those things that match your vibration.

You can overcome illness but you cannot predict the medicine

You can bring riches but you cannot predict the source of money

You can live in happiness but you cannot predict the reason for harmony

You can be loved but you cannot predict the lover

LAW OF ATTRACTION STEPS

  1. Perfect day : take a paper and write out your ideal day. Design your day any way you wanted from the time you get up until you go to bed. How would it be? What would you do? Where would you lived? Who would you be with? The more detailed you are the more effective this exercise will be. Once you have this –perfect day- written out, read it every morning just after waking up and every night just before falling asleep.
  2. Power visualization : find some quiet time for about 20min. Close your eyes and intensely visualize all of those things you want in life. Don’t just think, feel them. Imagine the positive changes, positive events and positive people that you want in your life. The more real these visions seem, the greater the chances are of attracting them into your reality.
  3. Repetitive writing. Write out one thing that you want to attract, could be a material thing, a person, or situation. Be specific as you can but try to condensed it into one sentence across the top page. Re-write that phrase all the way down the page. Each time you write it out, you are calling the Law of Attraction into play. The more you write it, the greater the effectiveness of this exercise.

COMMON MISTAKES

1. Lack of trust. You never really vibrating in a place of trust what you desire is yours but more “testing the theory”. When the result wasn’t deliver on your schedule, you become impatient.

2. Determining ahead of time, how and when you will attract what you want. When you attach yourself to one particular outcome, you are cutting off an infinite number of other ways your desire can be attracted.

3. Give up to frustration which then attracts more of what will frustrate them.

4. Focus and think about what you don’t want instead of concentrating about the experiences that you do want.

My neighbor grass is not GREENER than mine

Jealousy, it is a normal feeling that could come to anyone. Regardless of your age, nation, gender and life condition, there were this moment when someone who was better than you come along and suddenly your perfectly happy life turns upside down. I myself have experience this feeling quite often in the past, be it with my family, friends and even a stranger. After realizing how it turns me into a negative person, I commit to free myself from it and to always be grateful for what I have today. Here are some steps that really works for me:

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. By doing this, you will do your self-worth a huge favor cause the thing is there’s always gonna be someone who is better than you or have more than you. Since you can’t actually control what that other people could do or have so the only thing you’ll get from comparing is disappointment and ingratitude. The only acceptable way to compare is to compare your “today-self” with your “yesterday-self”. Raise your sense of self-worth and self-confidence by acknowledging your accomplishments, inner qualities and other good things about yourself.

2. Think about what your jealousy is telling you. What you think and feel about the world can often tell you quite a bit about yourself. Jealousy is usually product of insecurity and low self-esteem. Sometimes it’s a deep-rooted fear that someone will leave you or withdraw their love and attention from you because you’re not good enough. If so, you need to learn that other people behaviors and lives are not a reflection on you. I like to repeat this thought in my head when I feel like a jealousy is going to come up: Your happiness isn’t anybody responsibility.

3. Develop an abundance mentality. An abundance mentality tells you that there are always new chances and opportunities in the future. Usually you feel jealous because someone else has gotten one of those scarce things or opportunities that you wanted (it could simply be a boy, a job, an award, etc)

4. Trust. If you get jealous easily, you’ve probably get your trust broken in the past. This is very true for my case, I have experienced several trust broken during my teenage stage and it actually turns me from a non-jealous person into an insecure and easily jealous friend.

5. Work on you self-esteem. If you have more confidence in yourself, you will be less likely to allow jealousy to have power over you. It’s easier to become jealous of people around you if you aren’t happy with yourself. Accept and work on your flaws. Love and enhance your good points. Don’t automatically think that you’re ugly and unlucky when something bad happen but train your mind to think positive thoughts about yourself and your life.