What is Fear of Intimacy?

Love don’t create pain. Instead ATTACHMENT. EXPECTATION AND NEEDING the other are what cause us our pain

Definition

Intimacy is similar to authenticity. Both involve revealing your true-self to another person. Simple to say, fear of intimacy is your body’s natural defense system that wants to protect you from feeling betrayed, abandoned, or rejected. Those who have fear of intimacy usually have fear of allowing others become too familiar and lose interest with them. One thing to note, we lose interest in people  when they don’t pose a challenge anymore and when they can be taken for granted. Games can be boring. In games, we only want to verify our power, interest, attractiveness or self-worth.

Habits

  1. 1.      Hiding behind emotional wall
  2. 2.      Consider it over and over again before it even have the chance to start
  3. 3.      Withdrawing silently from a relationship

 

Steps to Overcome

  1. Allow yourself to feel vulnerable sometimes to talk with your special someone about what’s going on in your life and how you really feel about it.
  2. Share your discomfort and worries sometimes could make negative feelings dissipate and your fear of intimacy gradually disappear.
  3. Be Trusting. Everyone has their own special relationship with trust and usually if they have been burnt once by a former partner, then they may not share this as easily with the new one.
  4. Discover your inner strength and understand that while partners can come and go. Self-love and self-respect are two qualities that should never fade away.
  5. Developing a powerful loving adult part of yourself that don’t take rejection personally.
  6. Take personal responsibility for defining your own worth instead of making other’s love and approval take charge and be responsible for your feelings of worth.
  7. We can always love but we cannot always be loved.
  8. Sometimes we might or might not receive responses the way we hoped. It doesn’t make us less worthy cause self worth is not based on how others respond to us.

My neighbor grass is not GREENER than mine

Jealousy, it is a normal feeling that could come to anyone. Regardless of your age, nation, gender and life condition, there were this moment when someone who was better than you come along and suddenly your perfectly happy life turns upside down. I myself have experience this feeling quite often in the past, be it with my family, friends and even a stranger. After realizing how it turns me into a negative person, I commit to free myself from it and to always be grateful for what I have today. Here are some steps that really works for me:

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. By doing this, you will do your self-worth a huge favor cause the thing is there’s always gonna be someone who is better than you or have more than you. Since you can’t actually control what that other people could do or have so the only thing you’ll get from comparing is disappointment and ingratitude. The only acceptable way to compare is to compare your “today-self” with your “yesterday-self”. Raise your sense of self-worth and self-confidence by acknowledging your accomplishments, inner qualities and other good things about yourself.

2. Think about what your jealousy is telling you. What you think and feel about the world can often tell you quite a bit about yourself. Jealousy is usually product of insecurity and low self-esteem. Sometimes it’s a deep-rooted fear that someone will leave you or withdraw their love and attention from you because you’re not good enough. If so, you need to learn that other people behaviors and lives are not a reflection on you. I like to repeat this thought in my head when I feel like a jealousy is going to come up: Your happiness isn’t anybody responsibility.

3. Develop an abundance mentality. An abundance mentality tells you that there are always new chances and opportunities in the future. Usually you feel jealous because someone else has gotten one of those scarce things or opportunities that you wanted (it could simply be a boy, a job, an award, etc)

4. Trust. If you get jealous easily, you’ve probably get your trust broken in the past. This is very true for my case, I have experienced several trust broken during my teenage stage and it actually turns me from a non-jealous person into an insecure and easily jealous friend.

5. Work on you self-esteem. If you have more confidence in yourself, you will be less likely to allow jealousy to have power over you. It’s easier to become jealous of people around you if you aren’t happy with yourself. Accept and work on your flaws. Love and enhance your good points. Don’t automatically think that you’re ugly and unlucky when something bad happen but train your mind to think positive thoughts about yourself and your life.